I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
