i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
