so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
