dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
