She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
