Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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