I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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