Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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