He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
