So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
