its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there is glitter all over my balls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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