Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Barsexuality is the new black.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
