As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
