Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize