Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
