you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I AM VODKA MAN
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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