Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
