Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
