He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
