yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
