So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
