I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
