Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
