He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
