I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
