Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
