imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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