When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
