I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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