now i know why i became what i already was.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
