Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
