someone threw a dead crab at me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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