you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize