I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
