Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
