if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
