Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
