i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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