I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
