i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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