My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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