Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
