Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
