Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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