I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
