look no pants
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
