So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
