um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A bitchslap is in order.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
