I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i think my cat just said my name.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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