During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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