White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's shark week go big or go home
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
