OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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