I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
