im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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