Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
