i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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