STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
