did you get engaged???
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
