dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
