she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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