If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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