he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found puke in my bra..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
