I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
