oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
