on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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