Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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