what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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