it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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