Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
