Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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