i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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