lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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