The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
