Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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