Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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