you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
