we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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