peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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