She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
