the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
