Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
