The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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