your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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